Out of the mouths of babes
Wednesday evening while chatting away on the phone with a friend and doula mamma, I got a brilliant request from my sweet pea. She's into playing with barbies now, of the Disney Princess variety, and the barbie I was "being" at that time has a mid-section and stiletto heels that blink a bright red glow at the touch of a button yet is dressed up as a veterinarian and her hair style reminds me of those poofy high school bangs we all had at one time or another. I'm simultaneously whispering the voice of said trashy endowed barbie and receiving moral support on the phone all while crouching over barbie's beach house, complete with blender and iPod docking station. Apparently in that moment Emma did not share my belief that I was successfully multi-tasking as she announces "Mommy, can you take the phone off of your ear?". Almost immediately laughter erupts from myself and my friend when we hear this from Emma, who has no idea of the awesomeness of the words that have just come out of her mouth. We ended the phone call shortly after and I spent the rest of the evening wrapped up in her adorable little face. That innocent little face who has no idea what's happening with her big sister and couldn't possibly comprehend the sadness involved, and most importantly, shouldn't have to. After the bathtime & bedtime routine, complete with books and two songs, I retreated to my room and made myself a little reminder on a sticky note...Emma is listening and needs her mommy too so take the phone off of your ear!
My mission, whether I choose to accept it or not
At the hospital meeting yesterday it was decided that Kelsey will be staying another 7 days and that we will meet up again next Friday to discuss what supports have been put in place for her return home and set a discharge date. It was hard seeing her in that place and also a little scary. Scary to have more realization of the true depth of this illness and the self destructive behaviors that go along with it. She is so angry with me, and scared and isn't ready to begin to heal herself. She's lashing out at whoever is closest and right now that person is me. Yesterday she told me that I "don't know shit" about her or what to do for her but luckily that's not true. I do know what to do now and I'm doing it. I'm doing anything and everything I can to keep her safe. Our season seems to be for her to be angry at me and I can either accept that or keep fighting against it (a kicking and screaming tantrum perhaps?). Now it's no secret that I don't like to be the bad guy, I want to be the fun cool mom and I've never liked that tough love part of parenting. But luckily with age, comes wisdom (for some) and with experience, comes perspective. So I've decided to accept this mission, this season, this tough love role. I might not have all the answers but I'm going keep asking questions and maybe one day 20 years from now she'll come to the realization that the only "shit" I ever really needed to know was that I love her and the rest we all just figure out as we go along.
insert more lighthearted topic ETSY!!
First of all if you haven't been to www.etsy.com then you haven't lived. Ok so that may be a slight exaggeration but seriously, seriously you have to check it out. It's not a recent discovery but a recent rediscovery in that I'm planning a fairly DIY wedding in September and want to make it as intimate and personal as possible. That is where the joy of etsy re-entered my world. I'm having a custom made goodie (shhh, it's a surprise) made for my bridesmaids and have found some of the most amazing items there AND here's the best best best part...they are all handmade so by shopping there I am supporting talented artists from all over the country!! I don't want to give all my secrets away, which btw is a line from my all time favorite song by One Republic but, I digress. Here's hoping you find something you absolutely MUST have for yourself there! I have two friends that happen to have their own shops there (Closing Circles and CreateBeautyDaily) I'm sure they'd love if you stopped by!
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